Day 3 - Make His Priorities Important to You

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson Club 31 Women

How can one jar of peanut-butter cause so much trouble?

No kidding, that's what I wanted to know too. Because apparently it was A Big Problem and he made that quite clear. My husband was fed up with the sticky, slimy mess dripping down the sides of the peanut-butter jar and insisted we put a stop to the madness.

"Why can't we keep this jar clean?! There's no reason we should live like this and it's got to change," he stated with final authority.

Oh, but there was a very good reason as far as I was concerned and protested against the ultimatum. Actually, there were eight good reasons - all of them being under the age of 18 years. You see we have these things called children and one mother can't be on top of everything!

Why so unreasonable? So demanding?

Now on his behalf, I have to tell you that my husband is not a complainer. He doesn't make negative remarks about my cooking (no matter how "creative" it sometimes gets). He doesn't complain about having to throw on his robe in the morning and search for the essential items in the laundry room (really meant to fold and put those away...).  He's even good about patiently sitting in the car and waiting for me to get out the door. And that can be a pretty long wait sometimes.

But the goopy peanut-butter container? That just about does him in.

So how many of you moms will side with me on this one? I mean, we have a bunch of children and they all make their own peanut-butter sandwiches. Even the six-year-old (who just lost his two front teeth - so darling!).  Let's face it - it's a sticky, slimy world we live in.

Oh, thank you! I thought I could count on you (It's a good thing he doesn't blog or he'd surely have all the dads taking his side).

So I basically communicated to him....

Sorry. But that's just the way it has to be.

That we were going to have to learn to live with it. That he was asking the impossible. And I left him in the kitchen feeling quite justified in my rather defensive response.

Except for one thing.

I left the kitchen to recover and regroup in our front sitting room. Our "parlor" as we call it and my very favorite room in the house. It's beautiful. The Parlor has pretty pillows, a tea tray, and a clear glass (yes, that would be GLASS) coffee table. You're not allowed to eat in this room. Or have your electronic gadgets. No Legos, dirty socks, or rollerblades are permitted in the Parlor. Happy sigh.

I love this room.

Now wait! Are you beginning to wonder how it is that I can keep an entire room looking pristine even though we have all these children?  With a glass coffee table, no less??

Well. It's because it's important to me, of course. Really important.

But I can't keep the peanut-butter jar wiped down?

Right.

Yeah, that's what got me too.  You see, I have this tendency to take my priorities very seriously. Maybe his less so?

But I don't want to do that anymore.

In fact, I'm determined to have the cleanest peanut-butter jar in town.

So if you ever find yourself anywhere near our area, I hope you'll stop by 'cause I'd love to make you a peanut-butter sandwich. Or have that darling six-year-old of ours make you one.  It's true that you might have to step over a heaping pile of rollerblades on the front porch and overlook the baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded in the living room.

But you'll be sure to admire the amazingly clean peanut-butter container, won't you?

Because he sure does.

Honey, I love you and I want you to know that your priorities are important to me.

Really important.

Look not every man on his own things,
but every man also on the things of others.
~ Philippians 2:4

Today's Vow: To consider your priorities as I would my own.

The Challenge: Place those things that are the most important to him at the top of your list.  

In His grace,

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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How to Keep Children from Un-Decking the Halls

Guest Contributor, Gina Smith from Keepin' it Real

Recently a young mom asked Gina this question:

Advice Needed! I have a 1 yr old, and two 8 month old babies here during the day, and our Christmas tree (fake) is going up today. How do I keep them from UN-decking my halls and tree climbing? The twins are mobile, starting to pull up, and not catching on to my saying, "don't touch" quite yet. I really don't want that to be the only thing I say alllll dayyy!

I love to hear what young moms, who are in the middle of training toddlers, are thinking. The following are some answers that were given. These moms are so creative as they work with their little people!

Anne wrote: We always had as kids, and do it now with our kids, "kid friendly safe" ornaments at the bottom of the tree. That way we could play and enjoy but not do any damage. Obviously avoid things like tinsel as its a major choking hazard!

Wendy wrote: We also put kid-friendly ornaments on the bottom couple of feet of the tree. Michaela's imagination has always run at high speed, and she would literally entertain herself for hours on end in a make-believe world where the ornaments were the characters. Being the perfectionist that I was, it bothered me at first. I soon learned to let her play all day, then rearrange them all after she went to bed, and she would start all over. Fun memories! (BTW, she still plays make believe with my snow village! LOL!) Another option is a round (octagon?) baby gate around the tree. I know lots of people who have done this. Have FUN!!!

Dawn wrote: We never baby-proofed really, except obvious safety issues. Never had a playpen. Our homes were never huge when ours were little so I was always close by and could teach them what was okay to touch and not okay.

Jennifer wrote: See if you can borrow a Super Yard from someone! We put one around our tree when Liv was at that age and we're putting it back up this year for Naomi! They also make those round pens for puppies that might work in a similar way if you know someone with something like that.

Carrie wrote: When Z was 15 months, we just put a mini tree up on top of a table, so it wouldn't be an issue.

Here are some things that came to mind when I read the question:

Toddlers are curious. They are learning constantly and testing everything! That is normal! Then you decide to put up a tree in your living room and cover it with beautiful colorful decorations and bright lights! Your little person is going to want to touch it! Can you imagine what it must look like through his eyes?

When my kids were toddlers I had a lot of people tell me not to childproof my home, but to teach them not to touch things. I felt that since learning is a process, it would take time for my toddlers to learn not to touch things. It wouldn't happen over night. So, yes, I worked at teaching them not to touch things they shouldn't touch, but I needed to be sensitive to the fact that they were learning and it would take time. I didn't want to constantly set them up for failure. They are little people!

So, yes, there was some child proofing done for their safety, but there was also training that went on. We can do both. Since the tree is a fascination to them, they are going to want to touch it! So maybe you could touch WITH them...walk with them up to the tree and teach them to touch gently, with one finger. Allow them to enjoy the tree. Since they are in a learning process, be willing to not put dangerous things in a place where they can reach them.

One thing that we have done with our children since they were very small is we allowed them to have their own tree and decorate their rooms for Christmas. I purchased a small artificial tree for each of them, and each year they have picked out an ornament they want. It has been a fun tradition to go to the store each year and let them pick what they want. Now they have a fun collection to take when them when they leave home.

Allowing them to have their own tree can help get their focus off of the main tree. Decorating their tree and room with age appropriate decorations each year is fun, and allows them some freedom to touch some things. When they are grown, as my two are, they have the fun memories of having their own tree and decorations. (Check out these baby friendly Christmas ornaments!)

If you have a real tree, you might want to take this opportunity to allow your little person to learn how to care for the tree by including him in the caring of it. He can help you water it every day. You could buy him his own little watering can (dollar store!) and make it a fun part of the day. Maybe you can make a time each day when you go together to turn on the tree lights, and let him help. Allowing him to be as much a part of things as possible will help to satisfy his curiosity. Part of training is bringing your little person along side of you and allowing him to help you in the chores etc. This can be a great opportunity to work together! You will be teaching and it is fun and allows him to be involved as well!

Keep your little people safe and have fun with them, as they discover all there is to enjoy about Christmas!
Why do I call toddlers "little people?" Well, because that's what they are! People. It can be easy to get caught up in the daily training of little ones, and forget that they are not our projects or inconveniences, but real people! I remember! So, enjoy your little people! Okay?


Keepin' it Real,

Gina

Gina has been married to Brian for 24 years. Brian is a faculty member, and they both serve as deans at a Christian college. She and her family live on the college campus and work with the resident students. She has two children, Brianna (age 22) and Caleb (age 19) who are now both in college. In her spare time Gina writes and seeks to encourage women of all ages, through articles and by living life with them as much as possible! You can find her at her personal blog: "Keepin' it Real,"at "MomLife Today" and has written for Faith Life Women, Internet Cafe, and Roomag.

Contact Gina through her website: Keepin' it Real or on facebook.

Today and every Tuesday, I want to invite bloggers to link-up any blog posts that will encourage women to joyfully live out their roles as wives and keepers of their homes I'm looking for posts on marriage, parenting, housekeeping, recipes, etc.

All you have to do is enter the direct link from your post into the linky tool below!

I'd also like to ask you to link back here with the Titus 2sday code (below) so that other bloggers can join in too!

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You are loved by an almighty God,



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Enjoy the Friend That You Married

Continuing our series this week we're on to the final step, #6:

Invest in a beautiful friendship.

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club 31 Women

His eyes reached for me from across the room.

I could tell he wanted something. Needed something. Without even looking up, I asked while gathering up a small handful of Legos, "What? What is it?"

All the while my mind rapidly reviewed my checklist for the evening: dinner dishes - check. Laundry load going - check. Boys in the bathtub - check. Living room tidy-up - in process.

Would you just sit down? He pretended to ask nicely, but his frustration came through all too clearly. He was bugged with me.

At which point, I felt a snap. A small snap, but definitely snappish.

"Ummm...I'm sorry, but I'm just trying to do the Good Wifey thing here?" Then proceeded to list for him everything I'd accomplished in the last 60 minutes.  It was impressive. Ending my short, but rather sweeping speech with, "And what more could you want?"

What do I want? I want you to sit with me. To want you to be with me. I didn't marry you because I was looking for a maidservant or a laundromat. I married you because I loved you and we were friends.

I'll tell you what I want: I want my friend. 

Funny how you can think you're well on your way to getting everything right, only to learn that you got a little lost somewhere along the way? Not that I was wrong to order my house or care for our kids, but somehow when those goals got bumped up, he'd been inadvertently bumped out.

Somehow being a "good wife" had trumped being his good friend.

Do you know how that goes? You can be so busy checking off the right boxes that you leave off with why you made the list in the first place. So here’s Step #6 in our Uncommon Love series: A beautiful marriage means investing in a beautiful friendship.

Sync up schedules As much as possible, seek to line up your schedule with his. It's too easy to start leading separate lives as you're both going in opposite directions. He gets up early; you're a night owl. He works this shift; you're committed to that class or club. Before you know it, you're living parallel lives and it's not what either of you ever intended.

But true friends determine to do as much together as they can. Try to go to bed at the same time as each other and/or share as many meals together that you can pull off. Make it a priority to hang out together.

Which takes it right into the next one...

Make the most of the little moments.  You've heard the expression, "Seize the day"? Well, my current motto is, "Grab the moment". I used to wait until the time was right, or until he asked me for a date night. But those kinds of times didn't come nearly as fast or frequent enough for me. By the time we went out, I was so tangled up that we spent much of the time "working things through" instead of enjoying the more fun topics.

Finally, I had an "ah-ha" flash and realized that I was missing out on lots of little opportunities. Not as satisfying as a Real Date, mind you, but they do count for something. Some examples: He's going to run some errands, I’ll ask if I can come along. He’s working on his computer, so I’ll sit next to him and play on Pinterest. It's not ideal, but hey! we're together and I’ll take it.

But speaking of Date Night…

Slip Away Somewhere Not to contradict what was just said above, but seek to step away from the house on a fairly regular basis. It’s so easy to get caught up in all our many important roles – parent, provider, manager - that we can forget that we're also FRIENDS. That we like each other. We’re not merely co-workers together in this thing called married life.

It’s easier now that our kids are older, but when our children were small we had to arrange for childcare and put it on the calendar. For many years, we went out for coffee together every Friday morning. It helped once my husband realized that it didn’t require anything fancy or expensive, but all it really took was time away as “Matt and Lisa” (not “daddy and mommy”) and to talk as friends.

Share interests together. And while the children can be considered a "mutual interest", they shouldn't be the only connecting point. For instance, my husband is very interested in current politics. While I'm less keen on the subject, I try to ask what is happening in that world. And then I make myself be interested in his answer. I also share with him regularly what is happening in, say, the blogging world.  It helps him to share in my interests as well. It doesn't always work, but we try to do the same with books, movies, and events. As many ways as we can tie our lives together, we do.

That conversation I shared in the beginning? I wish I could say it took place many years ago, but it didn’t – was relatively recent, in fact.  A bit of a wake-up call really. My husband needs my ongoing friendship and to know that he’s at the top of my list. Undoubtedly, yours does too.

Today’s Challenge: Consider the kind of friendship you have with your husband. Is he at the top of your list? Are there ways you can grow closer together?

So enjoy that wonderful friend you married!

In His grace,

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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7 Ways to Stir Up Your Love Life

Continuing our series this week we're on to step 5:

Take your role as his lover seriously--commit to stirring things up.

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club 31 Women

He is my lover.

And he’s my husband too. I’ve pledged myself to him for life---heart, soul, and body.

We’re lovers and we do the kinds of things that lovers do. We whisper, tease, kiss, and touch. He often introduces me as his “girlfriend”---though I’m quick to add that I happen to be his wife as well. That we’ve been married for 20 years and have eight children together. That it’s all legal and upright. Sometimes I even feel compelled to flash my wedding ring just to prove it.

How did we become lovers? No doubt that we were drawn to each other from the first. We married and couldn’t bear to be apart from one another.

So why should that kind of magnetic pull ever change?

Except young love doesn’t count on fatigue and weariness to creep in. Never considers grief, tragedy, or pressures to weigh down. Doesn’t anticipate that passion can get crowded out or crushed in the thick it all. But it can happen.

Maybe it’s even happened to you.

If it has? Don’t leave it there. Don’t give it up. Or wait for him to turn it around. It “takes two” and we all know that, but there’s so much a wife can do to stir up things. You know what kind of things I’m talking about too.

Oh, not just the actual event. Love-making isn’t confined to an act – it’s about a relationship. A very passionate one.

So I take my role as his lover very seriously and I’m committed to stirring things up. How about you? Are you looking for an ongoing love affair? As friend to friend, here are some ways I seek to be his lover:

Think like a lover. It begins with a mindset - how I view him. So when he walks into the room, am I thinking, “Oh, good, there’s the man who can take out the garbage” or “the dad who can give me a break from the children?” OR “Wow. There’s the guy I get to sleep with tonight." Trust me, it sure makes a difference in how I meet up with him.

Talk like a lover. Lovers say sweet, inviting things to each other.  Maybe I’ll remark how handsome he is. How strong he is. How he makes me shiver - with delight. How I’m not sure I could live without him. I find that if you convince him that he’s the man of your dreams, he'll likely become that man.

Act like a lover. Sometimes I forget and get lost in the dailyness of life. But then I'll observe a newly engaged couple. I'll watch the way she hangs on his every word. How they exchange secrets with their eyes. The way she presses in when next to him. No one could miss the electricity between the two.  And I’m reminded, “Oh, right, that’s how it’s supposed to be.” I’d forgotten for a time, but I want that back again.

Plan like a lover. This one is between you and me. It's not very romantic sounding....but I plan for things. Because you see, I'm a very busy lady and we've got a bunch of kids. And I only have so much time and so much energy. So, I plan ahead - to the point of mentally "scheduling" when we're going to be together. A little strange, I know, but if I don't make it a priority, well, then it just doesn't happen - or at least doesn't happen well.

Take a nap, run the bath, snuggle on the couch, turn in early - and start connecting from the beginning of the day. If forced to admit it, yes, I confess: I strategize.

Respond like a lover. One thing I've noticed about lovers? They respond so readily to each other. They're not concerned about timing, about the correct approach, the mood, or the lighting. They don't require anything fancy; they're thrilled to be together. So I try not to need things to be “just so” for passion to build between us.

Give like a lover. Lovers give their love lavishly and without restraint. They don’t hold back. Or hold out. And since I’ve already confided in you, here’s another: I don’t always feel like it. Sometimes I give of myself only because I love him. I’m not in the mood, not in that head-space, and it’s not where I’m at. Sometimes - it’s a one-way deal. It is simply my gift to him.

Desire like a lover. At one point, when expecting our 7^th child, I realized that my desire for him had faded. While his level of interest hadn’t changed in the least. I wanted to want him, but found I didn’t have it in me. I couldn’t understand why the Lord would make me one way...and make him in such a totally different way. It didn’t make sense to me.

After a long soul-struggle, I brought it before the Lord. My request was simple: I asked Him to give me a desire – a real, physical desire – for my husband. And I don’t know how to explain it, but He gave it. I’ve prayed about many other aspects of our loving as well.

You might've noticed that I didn't go into much detail here. For me? Loving is a very personal matter. So I don’t want to know what others are doing – what matters more is what we’re enjoying. Does that mean I would never discuss such intimate details? No, but that conversation would be in private, over a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. Not in a public forum. Although I appreciate those like Sheila Gregoire who seek to address such things in a Biblical, careful manner. 

When I found the one I love,
I held him and would not let him go.
~ Song of Solomon 3:4

Today’s Challenge: Consider yourself his lover, as well as his wife. Then think of the many ways you can stir things up.

Hold on to the one you love and enjoy being his lover.

In His grace,

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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4 Ways to Respect the Man You Love

Continuing our series this week we're on to step 4:

Respecting the Man that You Love

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club 31 Women

I want to do the right thing.

And I want to be a good wife. So when I read in Scripture "Let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Eph.5:33), I'm determined to do that very thing.

Except that it seems rather vague to me. Undefined. I mean, how can you "see to" something you're unsure of?

What does respect look like anyway?

I know what it looks like to love. But respect? That one is less clear, as it's not something I particularly long for. It's just not at the top of my list, if you know what I mean?

Apparently it's at the top of his though. I've even heard it said that men would rather be unloved than disrespected---is that wild, or what?

Really?  Respect? That's the key?

So maybe I don't exactly "get it", but I'll take his word for it. Yet that still leaves me with wondering how to let him know that he's respected. By me.

Does this mean that he makes all the decisions for our lives and I'm simply along for the ride?

Does it mean he leads in the Big Stuff - like finances, the children's education, and where we spend Christmas? And I'm pretty much on my own after that?

Or is it something totally different than any of these?

A few years ago, after reading a book on the subject, I tried yet another of my experiments (do you ever feel a wee bit sorry for my husband?). I decided to become Super Wife and not question anything he ever said or did. This noble trial went on for several weeks and yet, in spite of my great effort, he didn’t seem to notice or care.

Nor did it appear to be all that effective---and it definitely wasn't working for me. I finally broke down, confessed my game, and told him I was sorry, but that I didn't think I could keep silent for the rest of our married lives.

And do you know how he responded?

He laughed! Yeah, laughed right at me.

Then informed me that he didn't marry me so that I would only nod my head and say, "Yes, Honey" every time he opened his mouth. He actually highly valued my opinions and input. These were things he loved about me! This was NOT his definition of respect. (Whew!)

Yet the question still remained...

So I wrestled hard with this one. First, I had to look into my own heart. Did I truly respect him? Or, deep down, did I consider myself somewhat superior to him? An ugly thought, but it had to be faced. Did I trust my wisdom over his? Was I more "spiritually sensitive" than him? Was I more "in touch" with the children? More responsible? More practical? No, I definitely had some soul-searching to do.

Then what about when he's not "respect-able"? That had to be considered---except Scripture doesn't offer allowances for this. (Besides, I wouldn't want him to love me only when I am "love-able".) 

My next step was to go to him and ask him outright how I could show more respect. His answer wasn't as ready as I would have guessed. It was more of an ongoing conversation. While he could come up with a few examples, the others I had to figure out myself by careful study.

I'll share a few of my conclusions---hoping you'll keep in mind, just as my list of "what love looks like to me" is going to vary a bit from yours, so is your husband's list going to vary from mine.

1. Trust him.  Somehow a man instinctively knows if you believe in him--or not. For instance, how you respond to his decision-making speaks powerfully to him. Is your first response to question him? Or do you save that "coupon" carefully? He needs you to trust him and his final decisions.
   
   
2. Admire him. He needs to know that you are his biggest fan - hands down! No one should admire him more than you do. My personal goal? I never want anyone who works with my man to think more highly of him than I do. I want him both to see it in my eyes and to hear it from my mouth.
   
   
3. Serve him. Now maybe this is my own man's thing, but he feels like a king when I offer to serve him. When I poke my head in his office and ask if I can bring up some lunch, or if I offer him a cup of coffee when he's sitting around with the other men after the church meeting? This is big with him.
   
   
4. Be loyal to him. Fiercely loyal. You've got his back and he knows it. Your children should know it too. In fact, there should be no doubt in anyone's mind where your loyalty lies. No one would dare say anything disparaging about your man in front of you because that is simply not done.

Today's Challenge: Make a list of some ways in which you can show respect to your husband. Consider asking him what kinds of things make him feel respected?

Let the wife see that she respects her husband. Believe me, I'm wanting very much to "see to it" - how about you?

In fact, if you have some of your own special ways of showing respect, would you be willing to share them? I'm guessing we'd all love to hear it!

Will you seek the Lord in how you can show loving respect for your husband? 

In His grace,

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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Communication: How to Love Him More Than Words Can Say

Continuing our series this week we're on to step 3:

Communication: how to love him more than words can say.

Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club 31 Women

His world is mostly made up of words.

The man reads them, writes them, speaks them. Plenty of words.

As both writer and literary agent, my husband's days and many evenings are filled with information and conversation.  And since he works out of our home, he has the convenient flexibility of no set office hours. This also means he’s very inconveniently available to all who need, or want, his attention most any time.

So perhaps it's not too hard to understand why we occasionally have the impulse to GO? To grab a mocha from Joe's Coffee Depot, turn the cell phone to silent, and simply get out of town...

This is the perfect date---he drives and I talk. Only him and me. I have his full attention and few interruptions. What could be better?

Except this one time I decided to do a little experiment. What if I didn't talk? What if I sat in the passenger seat and quietly looked out the window? How long would it be before he began speaking to me...?

Bad experiment.

If you've already guessed that it was way too many miles down the road, you've guessed correctly. Far, far too many miles. And it began to make me mad.

As his silence burned deeper and deeper into my soul, I suddenly did the Exploding Wife Thing, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

He nearly swerved off the road. Completely baffled, “Doing what??"

"Well, why is it that you are not talking to me?"

His astonishment was apparent and it was a minute or two before he replied. Then ever-so-slowly, "I don't know, Beautiful, I thought we were having a really nice time. Just being here together."

It was my turn to be astonished.  How could we be having "a really nice time" and not have said two words to each other since we pulled out of Joe's?

Then aloud to him, “I thought we were supposed to be communicating.”

And his answer, “But, you see, I thought we were communicating.”

Pardon me?

“Yeah, when you’re sitting here close to me, you’re communicating that you’re content to be here by my side. And I’m telling you that I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. “

There was more.

“When we’re holding hands and you’re leaning into me, you’re saying that you’re physically drawn to me. And I’m telling you that I like you, and that I want you too.”

I swallowed.

“And when we’re sitting together softly in silence, you’re saying that I am all that you’ll ever need in a man. And I’m telling you that I love you more than words can say. “

Oh.

I’d not thought of it quite like that before. Because for me? Communication means discussion, and especially the kind of discussing which leads to better understanding. To be specific, him better understanding me. Like how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking.

But on that drive, I learned something new about communication. I learned that we were both “saying” much more than I realized. Also, that he was “hearing” more than merely my words.

Many books have been written on marriage and communication, but I’ll confess I’ve not read them.  Nor am I an expert - I’m simply a woman and a wife.  But I can offer a few brief communication principles I’ve found in Scripture and in my own experience.

Communicate with warmth. A gentle touch, admiring eyes---these go far in communicating love and affection.  Try greeting him with a delighted look and lingering embrace. He’s usually far more ready to “hear” this than he is a shower of words. Then later, when I do need to talk, he’s more apt to listen because I’ve already “told” him that he’s the man I love.

Communicate that you’re listening. Not only to his words, but to his heart. For instance, I want him to know I care about the weight he carries to provide for our family.  While he rarely wants to talk about it, I’m “listening” when I offer a kind word of appreciation for all his hard work. Or, by making his concern for tidiness my priority, I’m “hearing” what’s important to him.

Communicate without accusation. When I accuse, he shuts down.  If I initiate a conversation with “YOU always...” then he’s out of there. It’s far more effective to ask, “Can I tell you how I feel about something?” I’m not informing him how things ARE---only how it makes me feel. Or “I might be mistaken here, but it seems....” and then give him a chance to explain himself. Decide you’re going to be his lover, not his judge.

Communicate at the right time. If we talk about something late at night, or when he’s worked up? When I’m emotionally strung-out? It’s almost guaranteed a disaster.  If at all possible, avoid a conversation under these conditions. Wait until a better time and he (or you) is in a better place. It can make all the difference in the world.

And communicate with words.  Yes, at some point it takes talking. Silence is not always golden and some things need to be said. Choose your words carefully, wisely, but most of all, lovingly. Remember not all communication leads to perfect understanding, but it should always end in good loving.  Search the Scriptures for verses on loving speech – there are many (See Eph.4:29-32; Phil.2:2-4; Col.3:12-17 and Proverbs).  Keep in mind they apply to how you talk to your husband in your home, not limited to people out there.

Today’s challenge: Seek the Lord for specific ways you can communicate love to your husband. Not only in words, but in touch, in looks, and by listening.

Obviously, communication is a two-way deal. But as we can only work on our part, that’s the one piece addressed here. Why wait until he gets his piece in place before we begin working on ours? Start by letting him know that you love him more than words can say.

Will you ask the Lord how to communicate the depth of your love to your husband?

In His grace, 

Photo credit (umbrella couple): Erica Lynn Photography

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 

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