"31 Days of Love" Marriage Challenge

In the fall of 2011, I put out a challenge to all women who wanted to make a difference in their marriage by offering their husbands a 31-day gift of love.

"31 Days of Love" challenges women to live beyond ourselves, to put aside our preconceived ideas of what romance should look like, and seek out true love that is sacrificial and intentional.

This journey is merely a stepping stone of many that I pray will continue on in your hearts long past the 31 days.

I called on some of my fellow bloggers to guest post, and each day we offered readers encouragement and a daily challenge to live out.

The good thing about this 31 Day Challenge is that it's now part of this website so that readers can jump in and start anytime they wish. It's only 31 days, but it's definitely worth every minute of your time.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Day 1 - Bringing a Gift of Love

Image from Google images

The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home,

filling it with love and prayer and purity,

is doing something better than anything else

her hands could find to do beneath the skies.

― J.R. Miller

While my son is getting some work done to his apartment, he asked if we could watch his bird Abby for a few days. Without hesitation I said yes. I absolutely love this little little Green Cheek Conure and she loves me. One of my favorite things that she does is run up my arm and kiss my cheek. She even does the little kissy noise that goes with it. And when she's not on my arm, she's often saying, "Give me a kiss," from her cage. How cute is that?!

What's not so cute is that Conures have a tendency to bite. She loves to nest in my hair, but the minute she gets a little agitated, she bites the back of my neck, and let me tell you, it hurts!

Because of her tendency to bite, Brendan is the only other person in our family who will hold her. The kids would sooner run from the room screaming than take the chance of getting nipped.

Looking at Abby the other day I was reminded of myself. Hormones have a funny way of bringing out the Jekyll and Hyde in a woman every twenty eight days or so. I could be saying, "Give me a kiss," to my husband one minute and chewing his head off the next. But month after month--year after year, he has loved me through the good times and the bad.

Whether I was nestled up against his cheek or flying out the door, he has patiently stood by me year after year.

While I'm praising God for that gift of love I seek to offer my own. Not just for the sake of my husband, but ultimately for the sake of my Lord. Therefore my love must be based on the wisdom of God's Word, rather than my own passion, desires, or wants.

For the next 31 days I'm hosting 31 Days of Love. Twenty-seven different women (including me) will be here to offer you encouragement and a biblical perspective on marriage. Each daily challenge is designed to encourage you to love the way that God intended according to His wisdom as outlined in scripture.

Are you ready for a challenge? Great--let's go!

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure;

then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy

and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

~ James 3:17, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

Today's Challenge: Read 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) and jot down some of the thoughts that come to mind such as: What is God's definition of love? What are the characteristics of love? In what areas of "loving" do I stumble the most? What are a few of the steps I can take toward change?

Today's Challenger: Darlene is an ordinary mom, living an extraordinary life, because of who she is through Jesus Christ. As help-meet to her husband Michael, she guides and nurtures their four children, leading them toward a deeper walk of faith. She is a New York Times best-selling author through the book she co-authored with actress Candace Cameron Bure titled, Reshaping it All: Motivation for Physical and Spiritual Fitness. Her writing has also been published in Thomas Nelson’s anthology, Grace Givers, Tyndale Publisher’s Soul Food/Life Savors for Women, A Cup of Comfort (Adam’s Media), and she has published articles through many magazines. She is your host through "31 Days to Love" and blogs here at Time-Warp Wife.

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Day 2 - Welcome Home Daddy

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

~Proverbs 31:11-12

When our husband's come home from a long, hard day at work, what are they expecting? Is it what they find when they get home?

Preparing a Welcome Mat of Love:
I try to practice self-control and function in the wisdom God gave me (Prov 14:1), by going to bed early so I can rise early to have my praise and quiet time with God. If my heart and mind are not set on my First Love -- the Lord Jesus Christ, then my attitude towards my Second Love -- my darling husband, will not be of the Spirit, but of my flesh (Psalm 92:1-2, Gal 5:24-25).

After my time with God, I make my husband his lunch and include a “lovie note” expressing my gratitude for his faithfulness to Christ, our family, and country. I don’t preach to him in my notes (anymore), but rather try to encourage him by sharing any evidences of God’s grace I see in his life.

I daily pray that God grant my Darling the wisdom he needs to do his job with excellence and bless all the work of his hands, so that he might bear much fruit in the name of Jesus, just like Joseph (Gen 39:5, Matt 5:16).

Irresistible Haven for Daddy:
My Sweetheart loves seeing our children at the table, eating a healthy meal while I feed them the word of God during our breakfast devotional. We started this when our oldest son was 2. Our boys are now 18 (Freshman in College) and 16 (Junior in High School) and they both still love our breakfast devotionals. We are blessed.

Below are some of the things I did when our sons were younger:

1. Have the house picked up (maybe not magazine-cover perfect, but in order, and clean). There’s nothing like a cluttered and disheveled home that makes a man feel burdened and unsettled, unimportant and unappreciated.
2. Got all my housework, volunteer work, errands, etc. done before I picked up the boys from school so they could have my undivided attention. I made them snacks, snuggled, listened to them about their day, and helped with their homework if necessary. I did anything I could to bring them peace, so they would be prepared to serve Daddy rather than seek to be served (Mark 10:44-45).
3. Brushed my hair and touch up my makeup before my Darling got home. I’d also have a hot meal prepared to be served 30 minutes after he arrived home so he could unwind (per his request).

The goal is to set an atmosphere of peace, joy and warmth for our husbands. And this cannot be done without keeping our First Love in full focus, not only for ourselves, but also for our children.

Training children to love and respect their Daddy:
We taught our boys the Scriptures that spoke of revering and honoring their father (Deuteronomy 21:18-21, Proverbs 1:8-9, Proverbs 3:1-12, Proverbs 19:13, Proverbs 23:24-25, Proverbs 28:7).

When my Honey gets home, I offer him a beverage, the kids take his lunch bag and anything else they can help him carry. I take off his shoes and socks and massage his feet for a few minutes as he tells me about his day. We put him in a recliner and I make the final touches to our dinner.

The kids ask Daddy how his day was before anyone shares theirs. After dinner, my Sweetheart leads our evening devotional by reading to us and opening up discussions based on Scriptures that help us know God more so we can love Him better.

Our sons do the dishes, wipe down the table and counters so my husband and I can relax and spend some time talking. I usually use this time to get out the massage oil and give him a hand and/or foot massage (depending on his preference).

Today's Challenge: Memorize Psalm 19:14 and 139:23-24, then find one thing in this article that you are not doing and do it this week to honor Christ, your First Love, so you can joyfully serve your Second.

Today's Challenger: Twenty years ago, Sunny was a contentious, falsely-pious and arrogant woman who led her family, believing she was more spiritual than her husband. But 5 years later, by God’s grace and mercy, she obediently began her journey towards biblical submission, with no regard to how her husband might respond or react; she fully trusted God for the results. Fifteen years later, she continues this journey, inviting and teaching other sisters in Christ to strive with her in glorifying God as: His faithful daughters, godly wives to believing and unbelieving husbands, wise and loving mothers and faithful friends to everyone God puts before them.You can read her articles on her personal blog, About My Father’s Business - John 15:13, participate in her online study,My Second Love - A Proverbs 31 Study or read her column at Examiner.com - Dallas Christian Marriage Examiner.

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Day 3 - Do You Like Your Husband?

Train the young women to…love their husband.” Titus 2:4

Titus 2 gives us a checklist of seven good things that older women in the church are to pass along to the younger women in the church. The first in this list of things to learn is to “love their husbands.”

Most of us would say we love our husbands. We DID marry them, after all.

But can you say that you actually LIKE your husband? Do you consider your husband your best friend? Do you actually like spending time with him?

In this verse, the greek word translated “love their husbands” is philandros which means a “loving friend and companion.” It is a friendship love.

Friendship love is something that we have to nurture. It is so easy to slip into “service” love with our husband instead of practicing friendship love. We wash, cook, clean… and cook some more. Although these are good things, they don’t substitute for a friendship with your man.

So, what does friendship love with your man look like in daily life? Here are ten suggestions!

1. Be his biggest cheerleader. Have you ever thought about that fact that you are called to encourage and build up your husband? Well, actually the call is for you to encourage the saints and to edify the body, but as my mother always used to say, “Charity begins at home.”
   
   
2. Check in with him during the day just to say “hi.”
   
   
3. Kiss him when he comes home just because your glad to see him.
   
   
4. Call him to tell him “exciting news” before you call your girl friends.
   
   
5. Serve up his favorite foods with a smile. Someone once quipped “Macaroni and cheese served with a smile tastes better than when served with a scowl."
   
   
6. Schedule time to be alone with him doing the things that you both enjoy. (shopping, sports, dinner dates, errands, walking on the beach, etc… ) And be careful not to overbook your schedule so that he ends up with the scraps of your time! Make him your priority!
   
   
7. Plan a “stay at home” date. Make his favorite snacks, put the kids to bed and plan to relax and talk or whatever else you find fun.
   
   
8. Praise him publicly, even to your mother. :) He’ll pretend he didn’t notice, but he will. Telling your mother about all wonderful things your husband does for your family (vs. calling home crying! :)) will validate him in his own heart and show him you respect him.
   
   
9. Thank him for all he does for you and the kids. Don’t fall for the TV propaganda that men can do nothing right! Most men work hard to support their family. They mow the lawn and fix things around the house. You could praise him for those things or for his kind heart or generous nature towards others. Open your eyes if you are struggling to see all of the good your husband does.
   
   
10. Be “all there” when he is home. This is hard when the kids are up, but listen when he speaks and show an interest in what he has to say.

As women, and especially women with children at home, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, and never really enjoy our guy as a companion and friend. (Similarly, I think we tend to have the same tendency in our relationship with God. We think service equates to love. Serving God=Loving God.)

When you live out the priorities of Titus 2, the Bible says that your good example helps to promote the good news of Jesus Christ and ensures that the gospel is not maligned and slandered.

Today's Challenge: Look for ONE new way today to show your husband that you LIKE being married to him! This will look different for each of you because each of our husbands are different. With a little bit of creativity and prayer, you can rekindle any lost feeling in the friendship area. Also, you may need to put some of your other relationships on hold until your friendship with your husband is real and vibrant!

Today's Challenger: Sarah Beals' has three favorite mottos: "Grace is for sinners," "It is all of grace," and "Grace will lead me home." That pretty much sums up her past, present and future. She and Peter have been married for 20 years and have five children, ages 8 through 18. She enjoys spending time with her family, reading, watercolor, coffee and writing at www.joyfilleddays.wordpress.com

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Day 4 - Captivating Your Husband

May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. ~ Proverbs 5:18,19

The Webster definition of captivate is: to capture the attention or affection of, as by beauty and excellence; fascinate; charm.

Do you remember when your husband was first captivated by you? He saw you as beautiful and excellent. You fascinated him. Your eyes twinkled, you smiled with each thought of him, you bonded over long conversations of who you both were and dreamed to be.

Do you remember the butterflies when he was around, how it felt for his hand to hold yours, how your mind soared when you dreamed of taking his name as your last name? And then when the diamond wrapped around your finger you sat and stared at the reality that indeed you were about to become the wife of the man you were head over heels in love with!

Remembering does wonders for our soul to remind us of how fabulous our men truly are! We are the wife of our husband’s youth and God tells our husband – be satisfied and captivated by her love!

But I wonder, are you still captivating or has pleasing, pursuing, touching, loving, listening and feeding your relationship been lost somewhere in the busy shuffle of life?

Consider: How much time do you spend on a daily/weekly basis cultivating your marriage now?

In what ways can you regain some of what has been lost in the daily shuffle of life?

Walk with the King!

Courtney

Today's Challenge: Purpose this week to do something that reminds your husband of the youthful wife you once were – maybe it’s wearing something you know he loves on you (remember we dressed to please back in those dating days!), go somewhere you both used to enjoy going together – alone!, look at photos together of the “good ol’days”, watch a favorite movie, or just simply sit together talking, listening, dreaming, holding hands, rubbing his back, and simply paying attention to the amazing husband of your youth! Treasure him this week!

Today's Challenger: Courtney blogs at WomenLivingWell.org on the topics of faith, marriage, parenting, and homemaking. She has been married to her high school sweetheart for 14 years. She homeschools her son and daughter and is a graduate of the Moody Bible Institute. In November 2009, she was featured on the Racheal Ray show on the topic of marriage. Her passion to see women live well inspired her to start a second blog called GoodMorningGirls.org where over 3,000 women dig into their Bibles through tech accountability groups and an on-line Bible study.

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Day 5 - Marriage and in-laws

My mother-in-law (shown above with my children)
is one of my best friends.

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household." ~ Matthew 10:34-36

Your in-laws. What do these three words mean to you? Do they make you feel blessed? happy? like you are missing out? not good enough? anxious? angry? sad? thankful? bitter? Whatever your unique situation is and whatever emotion is stirred when you think of them-they play a pretty important part of your husband's heritage. Whether they were the incredible parents, unavailable, or not ideal parents at all, your in-laws are the people who have had a hand in shaping your husband. Good or not so good. There will be some of you who, like myself, sincerely love their in-laws and there are others who pray they could just have a civil relationship with theirs. Oh, ladies of the latter--I empathize with my arms around you how hard that must be.

As we assess our personal relationships with our husband's family the best question to ask is : What does the bible say to us about marriage and our in-laws? In addition to Matthew 10:34 (above) here are some truths:

"They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law." ~Luke 12:53

"For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--a man's enemies are the members of his own household"~Micha 7:6

"From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three." ~Luke 12:52

If there is one thing that I notice in each one of these verses it is the Bible warning us of division amongst family members.

This can get very heavy for some reading this...perhaps even teary. But, alas there is good news....the. best. news. ever. Jesus, our savior, came to give us swords of righteousness which defend against this division. He came to tell us--that above anything else--we are to love Him and we are to love others (Luke 10:27). Some of you may be wondering how love can be used as a weapon... why, when we think of weapons we think of anything other than love!!! But, this is a weapon that Satan hates the most. He wants to see marriages broken and families in disunion, he wants you to fight with your mate, he wants you to be bitter, he wants you to feel the feelings you may be having this very moment.

Ladies, in all sincerity, your in-laws are a part of your husband. You may have hand picked this part, but it is very important for your marriage that you love them. How do you do this?

• If you don't have the ability to love them that is okay, God does and he will always lend His love to you to give to them. Be willing to accept God's love and give it.
• Whether or not your husband has a healthy relationship with his parents, do not say unkind words about his family - especially to him or your children. Hearing those words from you hit him deep within his soul. There could be scabs from wounds there in his heart that your words are picking at. Whatever you can do to make peace, to take up the sword of righteousness and fight back with love.
• Do not expect Non-Christians to act as Christians - If your in-laws are not saved, pray to see them through the eyes of Jesus. He aches for them, wants better for them, and loves them.
• Give them your God's best by loving them - knowing they may not love you back.
• Make the first step- Welcome them to functions and in your home. You have no idea how much this means to your husband, even if it doesn't "work out".

Please let me be an encouragement to you today to be a wife who loves deep and fights as hard as she can with the sword of righteousness. If you have hard to deal with in-laws this will not be easy, but as Christ tells us in 2 Corinthians 10 :3-5 "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Dear sisters in Christ, no relationship is perfect. Not every personality meshes well together. Different families have different ways about them. And even though I have a great relationship with my husband's family, there have been times where our differences have come about. However, above any differences we have ever had I have always chosen to forgive and love and they have given me the same grace. This love is for the betterment of our family and best of all, glorifies God.




My father-in-law with our daughter.
I so enjoy having my in-laws over for dinner.
Disclaimer: Please know that this post is not addressing a relationship that could cause physical or mental abuse.

Love to you,

Janelle

Today's Challenge: Invite your in-laws over for dinner this week. If they live far, call them or Skype with them with your children. Take one extra step than you typically do. You can do this. If you are close with your in-laws (as I am) this will be super easy. Don't know what to make? Come visit me over at Comfy in the Kitchen for some delicious recipes!

Today's Challenger: Janelle is a Christian, a wife, a stay-at-home mom of 3 young children and a proud-to-claim-it “Foodie.” She absolutely loves to cook and typically has an audience of 3 children, pulled up on chairs, taking turns pouring ingredients into bowls. Her spiritual gifts are a mix of “hospitality and evangelism” and is here in the center of God’s will hoping to help you get a little more “comfy in your kitchen!” You can find her displaying step-by-step photos of her recipes, giving devotionals,and sharing meal ministry stories on her blog Comfy in the Kitchen.

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Day 6 - Two Ways to Pursue Your Husband

Fourteen years ago my husband chose to begin pursuing me with a prank phone call. It's not how a couple usually meets, but it's how we met. We were both college students at the Moody Bible Institute, living in one of the greatest cities in the world, Chicago, and here we sat in our dorm rooms! I didn't know him, and he really didn't know me. But I was in an English class with his roommate, which is how I got on the "call list" that evening. Much to their surprise *ahem, I did not fall for their prank, but I soon would fall in love with the man behind the prank phone call.

A prank phone call led to a double date, which led to a single date, which eventually led to a lot more dates, and then marriage. Today he is a pastor (no longer making prank phone calls :)) and I am his wife. God has graciously given us thirteen years of marriage, four beautiful children, and just over ten years of fruitful ministry. As I think back to our dating and engagement days at Moody, I often laugh at the ways we pursued one another in love. Pursuing one another came
easy. There were spontaneous calls, silly notes, impromptu walks, and no shortage of talking. He pursued me and I pursued him. This is true in the beginning of almost every relationship. But as a relationship progresses and time goes by, so does the temptation to stop pursuing your spouse.

Life sets in. Things begin to become routine and mundane. There is an assumption that "he is mine," therefore, I don't need to try to catch him or keep him anymore. Nothing can be more
destructive to a healthy and intimate relationship than one spouse failing to pursue the other. I want to be a wife who keeps pursuing my husband, not because I fear losing him, but because I still deeply desire him and love him. I don't want him to doubt that.

As I have thought about the art of pursuit in marriage, I think there are two primary ways that any wife needs to pursue her husband.

1. Affirmation - You should be your husband's biggest fan! Tell him you love him, tell him he looks nice, tell him he's a good dad, tell him you appreciate his hard work, tell him he's a hunk! Your husband shouldn't have to live on a compliment you gave him two weeks ago. Make affirming him a primary way you pursue him. It is a lie and a myth that men don't care about feelings or emotions. They want to know you still have feelings and emotions for them! Affirming your husband is a great way to show him your love and desire to pursue him.
   
   
2. Affection - Your husband wants to know he is desired. It's not true that all he cares about is s*x. He certainly cares about it, but he also wants to be wanted. Be a wife who initiates physical contact.
   

I have come into my garden, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh along with mybalsam.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.
~ Song of Solomon 5:1

In Five Aspects of Woman, Barbara K.Mouser points out that this is a Biblical picture of wedded love, with man and wife. With marriage, a woman's body becomes an interpersonal space, a place of fellowship for two people. Just as a virgin should guard the domain of her body, the wife should tend it and share it with her husband.

I am aware that there are many women who complain about their "duty." God didn't intend for s*x to be a duty. He intended for it to be beautiful. Don't just react to his affection, be proactive and pursue him. He will be delighted by your desire for him!

Friends, these are two simple ways that as a wives we can pursue our husbands, and I know there are so many more. In what ways do you pursue your husband? How do you make him feel loved and treasured?

Today's Challenge: Think of one or two ways that you can pursue your husband, and put that plan into action today!

Today's Challenger: Ruth Schwenke is the wife of a pastor, who is her best friend and the love of her life. She is a blessed homeschooling mother to her four beautiful children, and she eagerly awaits meeting her five others in heaven. She has a passion for following God, leading worship, rescuing orphans, and inspiring others to create a God honoring family. She thoroughly enjoys warm spring breezes, blooming lilacs, tall skim mochas with whipped cream, root-lifter, eye cream, gel polish, laughing (lots of it), venti iced teas, exclamation points!!, family worship time, and snuggling up to read a good book with her family. She is the creator of The Better Mom and she tweets at thebettermom.

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Day 7 - This is His Idea of a Date?!

Our home is about 20 minutes from Washington DC. We live in the midst of amazing cultural and racial diversity and I love it! Unfortunately, at times you can cut the racial tension with a knife! When I go to the store I am definitely the minority. I really don't mind that, but quite often a sales clerk or a server at a restaurant ignores me or is rude. When that happens I do what I can to make a connection with the person, to break down any barriers, and to show them I care for them. I ask them how they are, try to make conversation or try to make them laugh. I find it to be a fun challenge! I am not always successful, but I try!

One night my husband and I were at Target. After we were done finding all we were looking for, we made our way to the check out line. We stood there as the sales clerk scanned our merchandise. One thing after another. She never made eye contact. She never said a word. We tried to connect with her, but to no avail! She would not budge. The last two items left to scan were a couple of sodas that my husband and I had picked up. A thought came to my mind and I blurted out the ice breaker comment! I held up the two soda's, looked at the precious sales clerk, and said, "What do you think? This is his idea of a date!!"

Well, that comment made her day. She burst out laughing and said, "THAT was funny!" She laughed and laughed and laughed, and we teased Brian a little bit. She looked at me and said good bye. (I'm sure she was probably thinking "That was one funny, crazy little white lady!") As we made our way to the car, I made sure my husband knew I didn't mean what I'd said! I apologized several times and told him I was just trying to make the lady laugh and connect with her. He assured me that he knew that and it was fine. He knows me well enough to know that I would not say that and actually mean it!

It's encouraging to see how far we have come over the years. I am so thankful to be serving a gracious God who gently opens our eyes to the areas in our lives where we are in error and where we need to grow! He not only exposes those areas, but He changes our hearts, teaches the right way to live, and heals the damage that has been done because of neglect or faulty thinking.

Revealing the Cracks...

After my husband and I started having children, dating went out the window! We became so consumed with the daily life of working, supporting a family, raising and caring for our children that we neglected to carve out much time for just he and I to be alone. We were walking through life side by side, but we were very rarely taking the time to turn towards each other and look into each other's eyes. Because we had so few people living life with us and speaking into our lives, we were on our own and we thought we were okay. But we weren't okay and eventually it began to show in our relationship.

Thankfully, when the cracks were revealed and it was evident that we were beginning to fall apart, we had people in our life that came along side us and helped put the pieces back together. As our brothers and sisters in Christ began to help us pick up the pieces, they also took the time to help us reflect back over the years and to see what it was that caused the cracks to begin in the first place. We were able to see where we had neglected some very important areas in our relationship and it had caused some damage. Then we began the rebuilding and strengthening process.

Even though I do not buy into all that our culture promotes as "romance," I do believe that romance and a deep love is vital in a marriage relationship. I also believe that when that kind of love is evident in a marriage, it brings glory to God. A marriage where two people merely "co-exist" because they have to is not what God intended. But it doesn't just happen. It takes work. It takes commitment. Like any other relationship, the marriage relationship needs to be nurtured.

After members of the body of Christ helped us back onto our feet and gave us some help in walking out some practical things to help our marriage, we were able to move forward. With their encouragement and continued prayer that God would knit our hearts together, God began to do a work in our marriage. He is continuing that work today. And we will have to depend on Him to do that work until we die!

We are Dating Again!

One of the things that has become a priority in our marriage is making time to go on dates. I know that probably seems like a "no-brainer," but it is something we had let go. Taking the time to look into each other's eyes, hold hands, and talk ALONE has been refreshing and has breathed new life into our marriage. It doesn't really matter where we go, what matters is that WE GO! We like to try little "hole in the wall" places that serve food from different countries, go for coffee, and some Friday nights we just go grocery shopping together. Occasionally, if both our our kids are out with friends, we will rent a movie and spend the evening alone at home. And, honestly, if all we did was get two sodas and sat in our car and talked, I'd be fine with that. It's not about where we go, it's about being together and nurturing our relationship.

It's about NURTURING!

I don't know about you, but I don't want to grow old and stale in ANY area of my life, and especially in my marriage. One day my kids will be out on their own. God willing, the one person I will be left with is my husband. I am not content to coast into that season of life, and then find myself in the middle of the next season living with a man I don't know very well and with whom love has not been nurtured. I am so very thankful that God showed us the cracks in our marriage before it was too late...before they were not able to be repaired!

I believe that the more loving the marriage relationship is, the more it glorifies God. Nurturing and working hard to keep love alive in a marriage does have it's benefits for me. I am much happier with the way things are now. But you know what? It's not all about me! God wants to use our marriage to point others to Himself. It is one of the ways others can see God! So we work hard in our marriage so that God is pleased and so that He is glorified.

Keepin' it Real,

Gina

Today's Challenge: Make the time to nurture your marriage relationship, no matter how old your children are and no matter how old YOU are! Satan would love to see cracks form so that he can get in there and create division and steal glory from God! What a testimony for Christ, to have fought hard to nurture a relationship and to see God turn it into something that He uses for His glory!

Today's Challenger: Gina has been married to Brian for 23 years. Brian is a faculty member, and they both serve as deans at a Christian college. She and her family live on the college campus and work with the resident students. She has two children, Brianna (age 21) and Caleb (age 18) who are now both in college. In her spare time Gina writes and seeks to encourage women of all ages, through articles and by living life with them as much as possible! You can find her at her personal blog: "Keepin' it Real,"at "The Internet Cafe," and featured in several issues of "Best of Life" magazine.

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Day 8 - Who is on the Throne in Your Marriage?

Can you remember the time when you were a new bride and you couldn’t wait to serve and please your husband? Maybe greeting him at the door with a passionate kiss? Making him his favorite meal? Wearing your hair a certain way? Having a sweet spirit?

But then life interrupts our fairy tale romance. The wedding is over. The newness and excitement wears off and our marriage begins. We start to live in the mundane. Children enter into the world. Bills can’t be paid. Reality strikes our marriage, yet, we want to keep the love and passion alive. But how?

When I was a new bride my husband told me to serve the Lord and in my doing so, he would be served. I didn’t really understand what he meant by that, seeing how I had only been saved for about a year and half. As he expounded on his thoughts, he shared with me about putting the Lord first in my life, living for Him and pleasing Him. As a result of me putting Jesus on the throne of my life, my love for Christ would naturally spill over into my marriage in a way that I could not physically do on my own.

The result: my husband would be served. (In laymen’s terms: I could not be the Proverbs 31 woman through my own human strength but only through the power of Christ.)

So I have tried to be extremely intentional about putting the Lord on the throne in all aspects of my life ESPECIALLY my marriage. In fact, outside of my relationship with Christ, the second most important relationship I have here on earth is the one with my husband… my first ministry.

So my question to you is this. “Who is on the throne in your marriage?”

Is it any of the following?

• Yourself - your dreams, wants, desires
• Your husband, his job, schooling, hobbies
• Your children
• Your family or friends
• Your outside ministries
• Your trials
• Your past

It is so easy for any of these things to become first in our lives, yet, God desires to be first in all areas of our lives, including our marriage.

Our husbands will disappoint us; after all they are sinners just like us! But don’t look to your husband to be your Savior, reserve that position for Christ alone.

We can always choose to serve ourselves, but in order for a great, Godly marriage to take place, you need to choose to serve the Lord. "Chose for yourselves this day whom you will serve?" Joshua 24:15

For your marriage to blossom, (rather than wilt or die), you need to take your eyes off of yourself and put them on the Lord. Let Christ sit in His rightful place in your marriage--His throne.

I've only scratched the surface here, but there is more to come at: The Alabaster Jar.

Jolene

Today's Challenge: Be willing to ask your husband for his forgiveness for actions where you tend to put 'self' before 'sacrifice.' Here are some ideas: Your contentiousness and lack of respect Your unwillingness to follow him (submission) Your discontentment Your frustration with his leadership Your cold shoulder towards him Your lack of intimate affection with him Just for the record, my husband and I are often apologizing to one another, because we do stupid, selfish, and rude stuff to each other all the time! "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Matthew 7:4

Today's Challenger: Jolene Engle was once a feminist who denied the existence of God, until the Lord transformed her life. For the 15 years that she has walked with her King, 10 of those years she battled chronic and debilitating illnesses at the onset of motherhood. For the past 4 years of her life, Jolene and her husband have faced financial ruin. They lost their home not just once, but twice and they and their 2 sons are now residing with friends. Even though her tiara is broken and her gown is tattered, she still lives as a daughter of the King, where she strives to teach others how to pour out their lives at the feet of Jesus like the perfume from an Alabaster Jar.

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Day 9 - Making Every Day a "Root Canal" Day

I should never be a nurse. Actually, I should never go anywhere near the medical field.

When my children are sick, I am extremely gentle and nurturing. However, when my husband is sick, my gentleness turns to impatience and a nurturing attitude is usually nowhere to be found. For some reason, the phrases "You're tough," and "Remember all those childbirths I had?" always pop out of my mouth before I realize it.

Why is it that those we love the most seem to suffer the most from our lack of patience?

I am ashamed to admit that on the rare occasions my husband is sick, I only think about how his sickness will affect me. I think about everything that I will need to do since he is out of commission, and worry with dread that I will also come down with his sickness. This increases my stress level, and rapidly decreases my patience. The last thing I seem to consider is how my sweet hubby feels.

Should I admit this? I'm having second thoughts now...

The other day, my husband had a terrible day, and I resolved in my heart to be completely supportive and loving. He went into the dentist, and came out 2 hours later with both a new crown and a root canal. What a party! I sat down with my children and explained that Daddy was having a very rough day. We thought of different ways we could help him feel better... bring him a glass of water, clear the couch so he could rest, turn the TV on his favorite show, fix his favorite dinner, etc. My heart was overjoyed when I saw how lovingly my children behaved toward Daddy!

... and I felt a bit convicted that I didn't love my husband every day like I did on "Root Canal Day".

At the end of our very pleasant evening, I asked my husband, "How can I show you more love? What can I do each day to make you feel loved?"

"I've felt very loved today," he replied.

Today.... today... today..... maybe that is the secret.

If I wake up each day, and freshly commit to loving my husband the way God wants me to love him, the threading together of many "todays" will make a beautiful future of love.

"Forever is composed of nows." ~Emily Dickinson

As wives and mothers, our plates are often full. We get pulled in a million directions, run on an empty tank of energy, and keep going well past our breaking points. However, God's grace is always sufficient. I am so very thankful for my husband. My heart's desire is to intentionally show him love and to be an example of a loving wife in front of our children. To do that, I just need to do it today.

Perhaps your marriage is on rocky ground today. I encourage you not to feel anxious about the future. Take a deep breath, and pray for God's strength and direction to love your husband today. Maybe you have been through some rocky times in the past that occasionally come back to haunt you. Sweet friend, shake off Satan's discouragement, and look to Jesus. He will give you the strength you need for today.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” ~ 1 Peter 4:8

How do we love our husbands intentionally each day? Easy! Just give your marriage a root canal:

1. Clean the tooth (Confess your sins to our loving, merciful Lord)

I have to confess to God that my attitude can at times resemble my two-year-old son during a tantrum and ask for His wisdom and guidance to know how best to love my husband. I need His strength to be the wife He created me to be.

2. Seal the tooth (Commit to love your husband each day, and tell him your vow)

If I commit to do something, I am much more successful if I tell someone else so that they can hold me accountable. Many times, I must ask my husband for his forgiveness for my lack of respect. My heart's desire is to show him the love and respect that God desires.

3. Restore the tooth (Pray and Study God's Word Together)

When we are united in God's love, He will bless and protect our marriage. For any marriage to be strong and reflect Christ, we must be focused on Him alone.

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." ~ Colossians 3:14

Anyone up for a marriage root canal? The line forms here! I'll be right beside you!

Thank you so much, Darlene for allowing me to guest post! Please join me all through October at "Only A Breath" where I will be sharing "31 Days to Love Your Neighbor." It is an interesting journey that is challenging my heart! I pray it will be a blessing to others as well!

Today's Challenge: Think of three intentional, specific ways to show love to your husband today. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. In fact, the most simple things are often the most appreciated. Tell him thank you for something he did around the house. Perhaps you could cook his favorite meal or take on one of his chores tonight so that he can get a little extra rest. I would love to hear your ideas! Can you think of more ways to love your husband today? Try it today! You will be amazed at the blessing and love which will overflow in your heart and home. I am praying for you!

Today's Challenger: Melanie is a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, Christian husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. Melanie writes at "Only A Breath" where she shares devotions, encouragement, humor, giveaways, and more! Her heart's desire is to encourage others and share the hope of God's unfailing love. After all, we must remember to cherish each day -- our life is only a breath.

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Day 10 - Rise Up My Love

Photo Credit: Yvonne Kolev

It used to be so quiet...

Just the two of us...

After a beautiful courtship...

We started out a journey...

A journey of beauty, youth, newness, and love...

With a threefold cord, that is not easily broken...

Practically putting feet to our courtship question, "Could we serve God better together then when we are apart?"...

And life began to happen..to accelerate...to be filled with new blessings and added responsibilities.

14 hands, feet, eyes and ears...

7 souls following and imitating our every move...

And life moved into the fast lane...

BUT:

In the tyranny of the urgent...

With the little people that need attention...

With the pressing business of the new week...

With the duties that loom large in the post-it notes of the mind...

Don't forget...

to join hands for a few moments...

to remember the early days of youthful love...

to recall to mind the wonder of "us,"

to exchange meaningful eye contact...

to breathe deep...

to sip cold tea, or hot coffee...

to sit on the front porch...

and live.

Keeping at the forefront of your thoughts, that He who gave you this busy household, with chubby cheeks and high pitched laughter--

first, gave you each other.

And one day it will be just the two of you again.

Setting always that One at the center who said, "A threefold cord is not easily broken."

When you are only fixing your sights horizontal, the flesh wilts.

But when you both are looking up...THEN the beauty of oneness flourishes.

Hear the voice of the true Bridegroom this day...

... Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
~ Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Blessings,

Jenny

Today's Challenge: Find a quiet moment with your husband and ask him if there is one thing you can specifically pray for him for. And then bow together and spend a moment imploring the Lord for your dear man... in his hearing. May your marriages be blessed by the One who brought Eve to Adam!

Today's Challenger: Jenny is an ordinary mom with an extraordinary God. She homeschools her 7 children (ages 14-2mo). When she is not teaching, playing with her children, or changing diapers, she loves to sing, write and blog. She has unmatched socks, messy closets and is allergic to mornings. Come and be encouraged, blessed and challenged in your high calling as a wife and mother over at A Mother's Heritage. You may also follow her on Facebook, or Twitter.

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Day 11 - Just Ask Him!

There are definitely days when I feel the stress of family life. On those days my inner nature begins to take over and I want to be in charge. I have a need to control things to feel safe. That is fine when it comes to matters of the home. That is fine when it comes to areas that I have taken on to manage like finances or holiday festivities. That isn't fine when it comes to things that he feels he should be in charge of.

For a long time I never considered what he might feel the need to be in charge over. Then it finally dawned on me to ask him.

What mattered most to him was that I allow him to take care of me. Not to take charge over me or be in control but simply to be responsible for my safety and well-being. He wanted to make me feel secure. Sweet, yeah? I had him further clarify what that meant to him and discovered that he wanted the freedom to buy me flowers without consulting about the budget. He wanted to pay in restaurants even though I usually hold the money--now I just slip it to him before it is time to pay. He wanted to be able to open doors, drive when we go places, and take me on dates, regularly. And the one thing that really got to him was that I would move the furniture around every three months or so without asking for help. He wanted to do it. He feared I would hurt myself.

That sounds so simple and it is. The hardest part was remembering to do these things. We even developed a code word so that if I forgot he could remind me. He doesn't mind that I forget as long as I allow him to do it once I am reminded.

This one simple thing has made a world of difference in our marriage. He smiles and glows when he is doing something to take care of me. When he smiles and glows I feel secure and safe. I no longer feel the need for independence. That makes for a wonderful day in the life of our marriage.

Today's Challenge: If you aren't sure what things make your husband feel good, ask him rather than guessing or trying to figure it out. Open communication is the best thing you can do for your marriage and following through is even better!

Today's Challenger: In her home, Amy is the sole expert on all things pretty and organized. She’s proud to be married to Ryan, a 6’5″ hunk who’s a pro at tackling all of her home improvement projects. She’s also known as mama to four rambunctious boys who range in age from 1-14. It takes some pretty creative engineering to keep her home in order but she does it with style and can teach you to do the same. You can find great ideas and projects from Amy at her blogging home: AmyBayliss.com. You can also follow her on Twitter and keep up with her daily mischief on Facebook.

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Day 12 - In Search of Security

My husband hasn’t always been my biggest fan.

He’s even been known to voice those things about me that really bug him.

How dare he?

Doesn’t he know that my feelings will get hurt?

Doesn’t he understand that my whole day will be miserable if he does not give me a loving squeeze and a cheerful kiss goodbye when he leaves for work?

I spent years allowing the emotions of my day to be hinged on how my husband talked to me and treated me. If I felt loved and accepted by him, it was a good day. But if I felt I had let him down or he was angry or disappointed with me about something, it was a bad day. I lived my life through his eyes. My security came from him alone.

I struggled with this until I learned that my esteem and security were supposed to come from my God. In fact, the way that I was living was putting a huge strain on my husband and our relationship.

Do you know why? Wait for it…

Because I put him in a position that God never intended him to be... my all in all, my everything. I did. I was like the shifting waves of the sea. Up and down depending on his praise or lack of it. I let his actions and approval of me dictate the mood and atmosphere of my life and home.

One negative look or comment could send my emotions spiraling down.

Thankfully, I was in a Bible study that set me on the right track. God's Word taught me that my joy needed to come from my relationship with Him and that nothing and no one could take THAT joy away.

I learned to walk close to God and let His Word be my barometer. I found out that God wanted to be My Everything, and in fact it was wrong to put any person in that position in my life.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!
~ 1 John 3:1, NIV

I was God's child, His precious daughter. He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. The more I learned about the Lord, the more I loved Him and understood His love for me. This very insecure woman found security in God her Father. He became my All in All... and continues to make that so real to me every day.

Sure, I still have days when I need to remind myself that my joy comes from the Lord and nothing or no one can take that away. I have to choose to walk in contentment and joy--it won't happen by accident.

I need to fill my cup with the Lord and His goodness so that I am not draining my husband... wanting him to fulfill my desire for love. God is most pleased when I am satisfied with Him and it makes my marriage so much stronger. Now I can focus on being a Godly wife and not on sucking the life out of my husband.

I don’t analyze every word he says anymore. I choose love. Love trusts and hopes and believes the best about people. And when my husband has had a bad day, I can try to turn it around instead of falling into that pit myself.

I pray like this:

Lord, help me to find my joy and security in You, and You alone. The other relationships in my life are so meaningful and rewarding, but they are not what sustains me, that is reserved for You.

Help me to run to You first, Lord. Fill me, and let me pour Your love into my family as it overflows from my heart.

Today's Challenge: I challenge you give your husband a break today. Choose to forgive, especially if there is something that’s been eating away at you. Let it go. Act as if it never happened and watch how God heals.

Today's Challenger: Sue Cramer is the founder of Praise and Coffee Ministry and Magazine. She makes her home in Michigan and shares life with her husband of almost 24 years and four children ages 7-23 yrs. Sue loves to connect, encourage and inspire women and is passionate about helping them see how deeply loved and accepted they are by the God who created them. When not home she is easily found at a local coffee shop or soccer field depending on the day.

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