What a Day That Will Be

As my dad is walking through the last hours of his life I'm reminded of a day in October 2010. He called to tell me that he had been diagnosed with lung cancer and that it had metastasized to his brain. Immediately after giving me the news he started to sing over the phone.

There is coming a day when no heartaches shall come.
No more clouds in the sky, no more tears to dim the eye.
All is peace forevermore on that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be...

Tears streamed down my face as I hung onto every word.

This past weekend I took a quick trip to Hershey, Pennsylvania, and while I was there I found out that once again his health was failing fast. I called my mom and asked her if she could put the telephone to Dad's ear. Knowing that he has lost his ability to speak this past year, I opened my mouth and began to sing...

There'll be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there;
And forever I will be with the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be...

Last night I rushed home from Pennsylvania, tears pouring down my face for hours on end until I finally reached his bedside and took in the smile that spread accross his weary face. His frail hand reached out for mine, and in that holy place where kindred spirits blend we held on tightly for as long as we could. Then I knew that he needed to rest.

Yes--he could go home any hour now, but through the tears there's one thing I know for sure... God's grace is more than sufficient for me.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

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Blessed Assurance

"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."
~Rabindranath Tagore
Dear Darlene,

I found your blog through my friend Gina Smith's blog “Chats With an Old Lady.” THANK YOU! For bringing a piece, a place of beauty to my desk!

I too treasure vintage things. As I walk through a very painful trial in my life right now I am finding beauty; God is bringing lovely, godly women to my life through so many different sources.

I wanted to thank you personally for the sweet treasure of your website. It's like a place for me to come and hide for a few moments--to take in the wonderful gift of being a woman--a place to seek out another example of a quiet and gentle spirit following Him.

As I give each thought and each wound to the Lord I find healing. He is mending my broken heart and using small moments of beauty and love to do this.

Again, thank you.

In His fierce grip,

Tanya



But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9



Tanya,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It came on such a good day. I went to bed and woke up thinking, Why am I writing this blog? I'm not a great writer, I'm not offering anything worthwhile for women to read... And then your letter pops into my mailbox--a whisper of encouragement that continues to nudge me along.

I am praying for you right now. You aren't alone in the storm as God is always by your side.

Satan uses his tactics to defeat us, and he will continue to do so as long as we abide in the flesh. It would only take one word from the Lord to calm the storm--one word--but He stands back until His work is complete in us.


Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because
we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance,
character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us
to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our
hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
~ Romans 5:3-5, NIV


I've also gone through some trials in the past couple of years. Some of them have broken me down to where I have wept more tears than I knew I had. I felt scared, alone, and confused. It's hard to see a light of hope when darkness surrounds you like a heavy cloud, but God promises joy in the morning, and His promises never fail.

When Hezekiah was defending Jerusalem he gave hope to the people by reminding them:


With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD
our God to help us and to fight our battles.” And the people
gained confidence from what Hezekiah the king of Judah said.
~ 2 Chronicles 32:8, NIV


Also thank you for that verse from 2 Corinthians 12:9. Let's rest in that
blessed assurance together, knowing that God's power is at work.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Age--Does it Really Matter?

Dear Darlene,

I just turned 39 in October; I'm single, never been married, nor have I ever had a baby.

I came close to getting married once back in 1997. He wasn't a Christian but was a very nice guy, however he made bad choices and had a baby with someone else. I was very hurt, but more than that I was hurt that I would never find someone else.

I've always prayed and talk to God all the time, but it seems as though I'm either doing something wrong or sometimes I even wonder if God is mad at me. I seem to always have bad luck with men and I can't help but wonder why.

It's even scarier for me now because of my age, and because I've always wanted a family of my own. I wonder if it really is to late for me like everyone says. I tend to brush people off when they mention that I'm getting to old, remembering that Sarah [Abraham's wife] was also older.

With that, people tell me that I'm asking too much from God. I look around and I see people (I know I shouldn't, but the 'human' in me does), and I see the troubles others go through. I don't want that for myself so I tend to wait on God. Still others tell me that I'll be waiting forever. I don't want to believe that.

It makes me believe in God even more. When everyone tells me stuff, I want God to do something bigger! Am I putting too much pressure on God when asking for what others believe is impossible?

Shauna

Dear Shauna,

Thank you for your letter. I appreciate hearing from you and pray that God will guide me in giving you wise direction.

If you have asked Jesus into your life, prayed that He deliver you from your sin, and are walking according in the Spirit (directed by the will of God), then God is not mad at you. Romans chapter eight verse one says,

"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

For years I struggled with guilt from past sin and blamed the loss of my five unborn children on my actions. I believed that I was being punished for sins I had committed in my past. It wasn't until I deeply understood the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, that I was able to see it differently. I couldn't pay for sins that Jesus took to the cross, because my sin requires a perfect sacrifice that only the life of Christ could offer. It's paid, it's done. God’s love and forgiveness flows freely to all of those in Jesus Christ, who walk in His will.

Forty is a strange age, and many of us (including myself) hit the panic button when the number arrives. We see an expiry date upon our flesh that we've never noticed before, and we start to look at our life in terms of deadlines. But consider this: eternity doesn't have a deadline--you aren't closer to death than you were at sixteen-years-old, you are that much closer to life. Ever since I started looking at life my life in terms of the long run I started to see things a lot differently.

Now let's get to the topic of patience. I don't often quote from the Message translation of the Bible, but I'm going to make an exception because I think that these passages are translated so beautifully:

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.
~ Lamentations 3:25-27

I'd recommend reading the entire chapter of Lamentations. I was tempted to copy and paste most of it here--it's that encouraging!

God is well aware of your situation, and you haven't been forgotten. My friend Lisa just got married at forty-one-years-old, and plans to start a family. It might happen for you in the next few years, but this might also be a case where God is leading you to something far better than what you hope for yourself.

I know of women who couldn't have children, and because of that were immensely blessed through adoption (in fact in one case the baby was born on her birthday). There are also women who marry men with children and fill the role of their mother. These are only two examples of different paths, but let me remind you that with God anything is possible.

I stand by this scripture:

"To know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."
~ Ephesians 3:19-20, NIV

The love of God and the compassion that He has for you is greater than your fear; His mercy runs deeper than your sorrow, and His kindness is bigger than your grief.

You are not forgotten.

For every woman who’s waiting for the right man to come along, there are countless women wondering if they made a mistake in getting married too quickly. Whether we are old or young, the decision to marry someone should not be taken lightly. It should never be in haste.

In fact Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, “I wish that all of you were as I am [single]. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do,” which tells us that marriage isn’t necessarily the best decision for all of us. It’s good and of course ordained by God, but sometimes He has something better in mind.

I wish I could fast forward your life thirty years. Maybe then we’d understand where this path will lead you, and why--but we can’t. All we can do is cling to the hope that He is in control of every step that we take.

Hold on to that verse in Lamentations which tells us to diligently seek, quietly hope, and stick it out through the hard times. God is at work.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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Born to Heaven

Darlene,

I watched your interview with Amy. It was excellent!

Did I hear you say that you had five miscarriages? I have had two and today I got news that it looks like I am having my third. I will not know for a few days as I did blood work again today. I had an ultrasound today and they don't see a heartbeat. I think I am earlier than they think, but who knows.

How did you survive five and still want to get pregnant again? I don't know that I can survive three. I know God is in control and He knows best, but it really does hurt.

Sara

Sara

Oh, Sara, I am so sorry for you. I’m heartbroken, and my spirit longs for your joy to return.

Yeah, I lost five. One was at five months along and I had to carry the deceased baby around for about a week because it wouldn't miscarry itself. That threw me into a deep depression. Not that I was sad over the miscarriage necessarily, but because it was so hard on my body.

And there is always day three. Day three after a miscarriage you have post-partum depression—at least I did every time. My husband became the enemy and I was grumpy.

Miscarriages are a strange thing. When I finally lost one on Christmas day, a hospital worker said to me. "God loves this child so much that he wants it in heaven with him. He is at the birthday party of our Lord." That’s when I started to think of those children as real kids. I have nine--five born to heaven.

It’s a tough walk, and a heart-wrenching experience to go through, but in many cases we do find they come along with a blessing in disguise. My niece had so much trouble with miscarriage and infertility that she was forced to adopt.

When their first son, Tyler was born on her birthday we knew it was nothing less than a God thing. If it wasn't for the trouble she had endured, adoption wouldn't have been a consideration for her and perhaps Tyler and his brother Jessie wouldn't be where they are today.

I’m not suggesting that adoption is your option at this point, because I really don’t know God’s path for you. Miscarriages are common, and having three doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t go on to having a dozen healthy kids. Following my five miscarriages I had three more children born to this world.

It's hard to see past the pain in search of God's plan, but remember that He holds that baby in the palm of His hand whether he's born to earth or born to this world. That is your child. You are a mom, and I'm proud of you because of the motherly love that you have. Don't ever let anyone make those unborn children feel less important to you. They are your babies, and your gift from God.

You can also read my article "Sacred Sorrow," which is an account of my own experience, and offers a few more thoughts on the topic.

My prayers are with you. Don't give up hope, and don't give up trying. After one born to earth, and five born to heaven, I had three more. That's nine children in total. I’m blessed, as are you!

I'm praying for you and the health of this baby.

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
~ Psalm 126:5&6, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

Dear Child of Mine

Dear Child of Mine,

It started at the mall—that moment I knew I was born to be your mom and that you belonged to me. Dad and I had decided to shop our separate ways—his, the hardware department; mine, the pharmacy, where I scraped $14.25 together, so I could tinkle on a wand.

20 minutes later, with new purchase in hand I watched, while the image of a plus sign announced your existence.

I had the kind of smile a kid gets when Grandpa lets them keep the puppy he found. It was a good smile—a very good smile.

December 25, 1996 was the day to celebrate our God who—clothed in mere humanity—had come to be with us. It was also the day that you, my little one—merely clothed by the flesh of my womb—had gone to be with Him.

A wise Dr. Seuss once said, “A person’s a person no matter how small.” He may not be ‘The Great Physician’ but I do agree with the doc on that one. I believe that, like you, each one of my children were a reason to celebrate life. Some stayed for only weeks, one stayed for 5 months, and your big brother Brendan is still hanging around after 18 years. I know you’d love his funny ways, but sometimes he tickles too much.

I never knew how long we’d be together—I wanted a forever. And yet when I did lose you—your existence wasn’t any less significant. Nothing was wrong with your perfect form, your spirit, or soul. I wasn’t a fool for thinking it would last. No. I am glad that I embraced your life and declared your existence to the world. It was simply a matter of His divine orchestration.

I’m grateful for a God who offers life, and by His Son—hope in the unseen things of this world. His Word teaches me that you are a treasure I hold, while reminding me that one day—one marvelous day—I’ll embrace you again.

For that short moment in time, I was a vessel that carried your fragile, growing little soul. Your days, though they were few, hold great purpose. You are, and always will be my child.

—Love, Mom.

I am mom to four children on earth, and five born to heaven. A mom to nine, indeed.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

Storms

Speckled and freckled beneath the waves of his sun bleached hair, is a five-year-old boy who's "all growed up." The sun has stained his cheeks to a rosy shade of pink, but he takes little notice of this, as he's only particular about his adorable wavy blond hair. This new obsession of his has led to the fact that Mommy's brush is MIA most every day.

I can't bring myself to cut it, nor can I stop myself from brushing my lips against the softness every chance I get. So I do--unless he runs. Last night he ran.

I chased the giggling boy around the coffee table, through the dining room, out of the kitchen, and into his bedroom, until he was cornered. Smothering him with hugs and kisses, I savored the scent of his freshly washed hair, while feeling the soft wave of feathers against my nose and my cheek.

While crossing his arms, his bottom lip slipped forward in defiance. "What's your problem?" asked his sister, who was watching this all from the hallway.

"I wanted to try going to sleep without hugs and kisses tonight!" he huffed, once again releasing the lip that marked his desire for independence.

With little assistance, he tucked himself in, and waved me off into the night--his crown of curls encircling his rosy red cheeks on the pillow. I let out a yawn, and slipped off to bed myself.

About four hours later, we awoke to the clap of thunder, a flash of lightening, and the little man standing at the foot of our bed, hoping to crawl in beside me.

"I'm scared," he announced, then he slipped in beside me and pulled the covers up to his neck. For a while, I watched his young silhouette rise and fall with each breath he took. I smiled knowing that this little man was not "growed up" at all. He still needed his momma, and together we needed the storm.

I got to thinking about the storms of life that shake us, bringing us down to our knees. Perhaps it's financial, or a matter of health; perhaps it's losing the trust of someone you've grown accustomed to leaning on. Maybe it's shaking your faith, but hopefully it's doing the opposite--drawing you closer to the arms of the one who protects.

We need the storms. For without them we wouldn't see that we have need for Christ. We are all sinners, and we all walk the same soil that trips us up from time to time leaving us feeling alone in the storm. But like my son who wants so desperately to stand on his own, we aren't alone and shouldn't be. I praise God that He is there to comfort me, to cleanse me, and to shelter me under His wing. I need my Father, and because of Him, I can weather the storm.

Drawn from my archives

Am I Good Enough?

Before I clicked publish on this blog, I asked myself, "Am I good enough?" Am I good enough to call myself a Time-Warp Wife? Just because I seek to return to the time-past values I cherish, can I wear that title now--today? Am I good enough to share my beliefs and convictions with others, when I've failed so miserably myself?

I look around the room, and although I've cleaned the house this afternoon it looks like a hurricane hit it tonight. My profile photo is perfect, but I sit here and type in a white robe and socks. My hair is tied back in a pony, and my bangs are unkempt. I sent the children to bed hours ago, and I still hear the shuffle of papers in my daughter's room. She's anxious for school as we all are.

"Go to sleep, Sweetie," I remind her, before she enters the hall for one more trip to the loo. I strive for order in the house, but it gets the best of me most days.

Am I good enough, Lord?

My laundry is backed up, we have few socks to wear, and I have windows to wash. We vacuumed twice today, but the bird had a party in his cage, and seed needs to be vacuumed again.

I'm not a Caroline Ingalls, Olivia Walton, or June Cleaver. I've disappointed my friends, my Lord, and my husband at times. I feel that disappointment today and it wrenches my heart. Loneliness, fear and heartbreak set in.

Am I good enough, Lord?

A voice inside tells me I'm not. It points out my failures and my shortcomings. It reminds me of the many times I've driven my children to school and forgotten a lunch, a note or their gym clothes. It tells me that that I'm disorganized and that I don't measure up to other women my age. It tells me that I'm a sinner unworthy to stand before God.

And then I hear another voice that gently speaks:

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5, NIV

Again I ask, am I good enough Lord? Can I be that faithful servant with every shortcoming I have?

I find the answer in 2 Corinthians...

"Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you." - 2 Corinthians 5:16-20, The Message

Photo credit: Michael Schacht